Polly the Latent Sexist

Mrs P is going to entertain the residents of a nursing home tomorrow by singing at them, well her and a group of friends who harmonise together for fun. What the poor old buggers have done to deserve this, I don't know, but there's nothing like a captive audience. (Surely a breach of their human rights?)

Anyway, the point is she was speaking to one of her fellow songbirds tonight to make arrangements to get there. Friend said that she was allowing 45 minutes for a trip that should take 15 max. "But I'm not sure where it is," she explained. Big sigh from Mrs P.

This place isn't exactly hard to find. It's just off a main road and there is a bloody big sign pointing you to it. And friend has driven there three times before. "It's people like her that give women drivers a bad name," said Mrs P. "And if she isn't sure where it is, why doesn't she use a bloody A-Z?"

And it's true. A woman I know through work is really good at her job and in all other respects is confident and sassy -- until comes to motorways. I've encouraged her to go for better jobs, but her first consideration is whether she will have to use the M60 to get there or not, and if she does then she doesn't apply.

This is bonkers for two reasons. First, she lives right by the motorway so getting on would be a doddle and, second, it's hard to get anywhere round here without using the M60, at least not without adding another hour to your journey.

Comparing notes, me and Mrs P had a 'snap': we both know women who not only don't like motorways, but who plan their journeys (wait for it) so they don't have to make a right turn. Motorway phobia I can just about understand, but a fear of turning right? Sheesh. But since me non-sexist credibility is now shot to pieces by this post, here's something I found while trying to find an image to illustrate my point:

ATM Procedures
Please note that the bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e.MALE or FEMALE) and remember them when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to the cash machine.

2 Put down your car window.

3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt

6 Put window up

7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to cash machine

2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine

3 Set parking brake, put the window down

4 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5 Turn the radio down

6 Attempt to insert card into machine

7 Attempt to insert card into machine

8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car

9 Insert card

10 Re-insert card the right way up

11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside of the back page

12 Enter PIN.

13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

14 Enter amount of cash required

15 Check make up in rear view mirror

16 Retrieve cash and receipt

17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside

18 Place receipt in back of checkbook

19 Re-check make-up again

20 Drive forward 2 feet

21 Reverse back to cash machine

22 Retrieve card

23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided

24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind.

25 Restart stalled engine and pull off

26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles

27 Release parking break

On which note, I shall retire to my perch and keep my head down.